Practical Christianity 9: Tame the tongue - rather find your spiritual identity

James 3 is all about the tongue and how we use it, the power of words and the need for self-control. We think only this generation could possibly be cynical enough to hurt others with the things we say. Not so … that problem was as rife in the early church.

Well James feels that it is a hindrance to harmony. So instead of looking for the practical path to spirituality, he addresses practical hindrances to that outcome.

Managing the behavior is not enough.

Root cause analysis is needed, because even if we do control our tongue, we still need to understand our feelings and sort them out.

The roots of envy and strife trace back to Cain and Abel. What caused Cain to kill his brother? After all, the consequences of an unbridled tongue will be death.

Cain’s crisis was rooted in a rejected sacrifice. He couldn’t deal with that lead balloon feeling when we contribute something that holds meaning to us, but to no one else.

My precious wife is hard to please with gifts. She is not materialistic, but has specific tastes. I have bought her jewelry, clothes, shoes and things for the house – it never works.

Okay, so I adjusted and in so doing I found a way to make my offering acceptable – she loves the gesture but now also loves the gift because she has a say in it.

Looking beyond Abel’s worthy sacrifice.

God related to his offering, not to Cain’s. He never rejected Cain, only his sacrifice. He also offered him a chance to put it right, knowing that sin lay at the door. He didn’t.

Finding God’s sweet spot involves many variables. Its true of everything in life. 

Though my boss was a seeing learner, I tried to tell him things. It was all just blah-blah-blah and misty eyes, until I learnt that pictures work better. When I got that right he said, “now we are cooking on gas” – and we got on like “a house on fire”.

Can golf be played without adjustments and refinements in technique or posture – nope. Same again for any sport. Public speaking too. Serving God is no different.

The Lord has His personal likes and dislikes, but His reasons are deeper than a simple preference for color or a style. His preferences are always rooted in His redemptive plan.

Far, far too many have chosen to get around that and do it their own way. It doesn’t work – never has, never will. How, how, how can a sacrifice of any form not regard the pleasure of the recipient as the best point of departure, is quite beyond me. What is the point?

Jimmy Carter, a not too bright peanut farmer, kissed Queen Elizabeth on the lips. He flagrantly ignored protocols that were there to avoid just the kind of embarrassment that resulted. She was not pleased. Yet she is not some cold soul. She is an astonishing woman.

We need to be needed

Behind all these things is a need to be accepted. Here is some very important news for you – God has a place for you. He knows that our greatest need, beyond money, sex, sleep, food or other material needs, is a need to belong.

One of the reasons that young men are not marrying any more, and I quote research, is that feminism has left them feeling unneeded, like spare parts.

It reminds me of a Giles cartoon of group of feminists outside a British airbase, protesting against nuclear weapons. They had tied a hapless man a post, for “reproductive purposes only”.

God wants every soul to belong, to really belong. Paul’s teachings on the body, describe us all as vital parts of the body, just as arms and feet are to our own bodies.

I so hate the clergy-laity model, because it uses people as a platform for the egos of a few – which implies that it is “their church” and that we are less than sons or stakeholders. As such, their need for relevance eclipses that need in others. That's why Jesus rejected titles.

What harm that has done to God’s redemptive plan. It is no wonder that the majority of atheists used to go to church until they were overwhelmed with cynicism.

What is the earthly value of redeeming souls, with blood, only to reduce them to hired hands and pew warmers? Rebellion in children is thanks to fathers not being present, not caring enough about who their kids are or what they are achieving. It is no less true of God’s kids.

To my mind, if you want low-maintenance children (who doesn’t), tell them (as James said, words matter), watch when they say watch, be there for them, include them in all you do, value them, but also honor them with a solid marriage – and they will give you few troubles.

To Pastors who promote themselves and suppress their “sons” or reduce them to mere observer status, I say this: don’t be surprised by undercurrents. Another bit of research confirms how many church pillars are walking away, because they are tired of just being pillars.

We must adjust our approach or we will hit and miss

However, none of that changes what we must do to push in. It brings me to the real rub of my last post. If God said that He raises up or puts down and that promotion comes from Him, let it be so.

However, there has to be some fight in us. Jacob wrestled with God until God blessed him and he fought against his father’s deprecations. He refused to be put down.

There is a place for all of us. Not as a future car-park attendant or hand-shaker, but as worthy sons with worthy offerings to bring to our father. But as much as God calls you to that, it will never happen unless you push into it. As you do, you will adjust.

You can only steer a moving vehicle. So too for God. If you have the passion and desire to be a part of what He is doing, which is what Jacob desired, He will steer you to a “place of your own” as He did for Caleb.

(c) Peter Missing: bethelstone@gmail.com